Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Unfortunate and Terrible Tragedy of the Occupants of a Very Tall Wedding Cake

It was a wedding cake much like this one. Lots of layers with columns supporting each level. Very high, for a five-year-old at least. And with a beautiful little bride and groom on the very top. And they was the beginning of all my troubles.

I'd been taken by my grandmother to the old family homestead, way out in the country. For a big family wedding.

And was sitting in the old flag-stoned kitchen. With its gigantic wood stove. Just staring at the wondrous cake on the table.

When I happened to notice that the bridal couple were not sitting EXACTLY level. Can guess where this is going!

Carefully (but perhaps not as carefully as I had to be) I attempted to put things right with these two tiny people. And the very next second - as if by some horrifying magic - they were bouncing round the kitchen floor - their layer rolling drunkenly rolling after them!

With my heart almost stopped, I kind of stumbled out into the garden ...

... to tell my aunt, mother of the groom.

My seeming 'tale' drew her deep but tinkling laughter ... which then began to diminish, in a scary slow-motion of realization. Though not quite reaching a grimace - after all, mothers of grooms have to maintain their composure, come what may!

We all marched stoically back into the house - each of us in our various states of mind. Mine being a dream-like sickening horror. And the serious work of re-construction began.

At the reception, the cake - miraculously - seemed absolutely pristine and none the worse for wear!

After only a couple of years, the marriage failed - and I began to image my escapade had been an omen!!!

True story ... real pictures (except the cake and couple)!


  1. Yep, it was your fault, bucko!

    Or maybe us gay men and women shouldn't be so sorry that the ban gay marriage ammendment passed in CA. After all, don't they say that most marriages end in divorce? (Yeah I know, I'm trying to put a positive side to what happened)

  2. hey greg

    i don't know why we gay guys are so keen to demand absolute equality in terms of just doing whatever straight people do - it seems to me that we can question whether it suits us (as a group), reflects our lives in any way, etc.

    if the straight world decides men will from now on wear long hairy tails out of their jeans to identify themselves as married (for fantasy example), i won't be off to the hairy tail emporium!

    of course, if you're gay and genuinely want to be 'married' (and sport that tail) then it's a good choice for you - and suits you ... as an individual.

  3. PS absolutely mia culpa re- the cake!

  4. lol Nick. As for the tail thing - naaah, how bout something like a shirt that married guys would have to wear ... something like "Hands off!! - I'm married and HAPPY!!" (lol)

    Actually, even though the likelyhood of me meeting someone that I love enough to marry is very slim, I still would like that option. Even though the idea of marriage is kinda weird, the idea that religious fuck-heads (sorry) are preventing that option kinda ticks me off!

    Ahem ... sorry. I'm getting off the stage now. lol

  5. hey greg

    i hope you realized i was talking about the 'long fat pulsating front tail' - as opposed to the 'short stumpy soft back tail'? LOL LOL !!!

    it seems to me that making a commitment to each other is what really counts - and doesn't need to be formalized, unless you want it

    and i'm not sure that monogomy isn't one of the things i was thinking of as something gays don't need to follow straights in - being monogamous if you want is good if you want but it shouldn't be seen as essential for a 'good marriage'.

    now getting back to that big fat throbbing front tail ... !