Not Sweating the Small Stuff

Voted Best Joke of the Year ('Rove Live', Sydney TV) 2006

A very loud, unattractive, overweight, hard-faced woman walks into Harrods, London with her two equally vile & unattractive kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The doorman says, "Good morning Madam and welcome to Harrods. Nice children you've got there. Are they twins?" The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl "Of course they bloody well aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Do you really think they look alike, you dick head?". "Absolutely not" replies the doorman, "I just can't believe that anyone would root you twice!"