Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Your Periodic Dose of Levity - To Keep You 'Regular'



FIRST SPOON FULL

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

'What are my choices?' the man asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.

SECOND SPOON FULL

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket - not your stub.'


THIRD SPOON FULL

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'


FOURTH SPOON FULL

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.

The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


FIFTH SPOON FULL

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.

A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead.'

Before he realized it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab

And said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?'

The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'


SIXTH SPOON FULL

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.

NB: SOME DOSES ARE LESS EFFICACIOUS THAN OTHERS!

11 comments:

  1. Major yuks! Thanks for the airline food picture - I'd forgotten what that setup looks like. Today, a passenger is lucky to get a bag of pretzel bits.

    ReplyDelete
  2. hey jackscribe

    i was asked if i minded being pushed up to business class recently (curiously enough i didn't refuse!) - the food was FAB, the seats comfortable and yummy wines.

    even metal knives and forks - don't know about this in the age of terrorism tho!!!

    best

    nick

    ReplyDelete
  3. YEARS AGO (the airline ref will give me away) I worked for Pan Am as a Flight Service Supvr and traveled extensively (quite often to Sydney and even made it to Darwin one time). Economy Class had a choice of three entrees - all cooked once the aircraft was airborne.

    First Class was...well, first class. Cocktails, French wines, Champagne and Beluga Caviar for openers. Then cart service for appetizers (shrimp, pate, Proscutto ham and melon, crab), a choice of five entrees that always included a beef roast cooked from scratch, cheese course cart service, dessert cart...and finally a cart of liqueur offerings.

    Linen, silver (not stainless), and crystal. Wow, talk about a bygone era.

    Don't mean to ramble...thought the younger blog-followers might enjoy a brief glimpse of how it 'used to be'.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Quite funny! Thanks for the chuckles.

    ReplyDelete
  5. NOthing wrong with a little humor along with some hot man posts!
    Loved the jokes, especially the 2nd and the fifth ones.
    Thanks, Nick!

    ReplyDelete
  6. a close-up look at that food resembles a science experiement that stayed out on the table of the lab for way too long.

    Doug...........los angeles

    ReplyDelete
  7. hey doug

    yep, when you stand back and take a clear-eyed view of the food it's different from when the relief from the way it looks being a break from in-flight boredom

    but as i mentioned, one class up and it's another world - tender steak topped with a decent wine-based sauce ... on a nice big white china plate

    ... wine ...

    which sadly doesn't happen that often though!

    best

    nick

    cya

    nick

    ReplyDelete
  8. hey greg

    yeah, my favs are #3 and perhaps #1

    reckon they'd be best told with a dead-pan expression

    cya

    nick

    ReplyDelete
  9. Apropos of nothing, this slab of man reminded me of you...


    http://www.queerclick.com/archive/2009/06/corbin_fisher_bryce2.php

    ReplyDelete
  10. hey KP Smith

    i'm very flattered! and admire your astute eye - LOL

    i'm now wondering if i should pretend that i'm in fact that guy - my day job?

    somehow i don't think i could carry it off - tho never say never

    PS and thanks for the URL!

    best

    nick

    ReplyDelete
  11. hey jackscribe

    great to get the 'insider' perspective!

    my mouth is watering at the first class menu - about to do dins so i'm in a susceptible state, food-wise

    a kinda Aeriel version of 'le train bleu'!

    thanks for the window into Pan AM

    ReplyDelete